Monday, 29 March 2010

Girls will be boys

I'm going to let you all in on a dirty secret.  Things are not as they seem in the World of Warcraft. That hunky male tauren whose biceps you've been sneakily admiring isn't a man in real life - it's a woman!

The signs are there for anyone to see. Who else would be playing a game whose main feature is the wide range of chat options and that rewards completion of the most difficult tasks with a pretty new outfit? A game where you can get your hair cut ten times a day if you want, with no frizzy ends from that change of colour!

No man would waste their time playing such a game when they could be out wrestling a bear, watching football, drinking beer or pausing Under Siege when it gets to the bit with the boobies.

Of course Blizzard know their target market - that's why they introduced Blood Elves. Pretty hair but, as you can see from the picture below, they're lacking a little in the trouser department. It's like Crystal Ken crossed with My Little Pony - every little girl's dream. Male Blood Elves are Lisa Simpson's Non-Threatening Boys Magazine made (pixelated) flesh.

Don't be fooled by what you hear on voice chat either. There are readily available instructions on how to hook voice changing software into Vent, that are so simple even the ditziest bubblehead can follow them. That gruff manly voice is all digital trickery.

Even the famous supposedly-male bloggers are all women.

Tamarind: oh, come on, that's a girl's name if ever I heard one. You're not even trying. Incidentally, isn't "Righteous Orbs" a bit boastful?

Klepsacovic: got all giddy because someone wrote her a poem. Girl!

Tobold: don't be taken in by the butch-sounding teutonic name. What does she spend most of her time blogging about? Farmville, Facebook games and why you should be nice to everybody. Girl!

Even Gevlon (or Gevlita as she is known to her friends) is really a woman. All that macho rhetoric about ganking and leaving the poor to starve doesn't fool anybody - it's just too OTT. The real proof is in her obsession with M&S. Know who M&S are? Marks and Spencer - a British shop famed for their range of ladies' wear. Girl!

Of course there are a couple of exceptions: Snottydin and Adrianne Curry are both men in real life.

Me? I'm not really Sven, I'm Agnetha.


  1. Nicely put.

    Also: Men playing female characters usually argue "I'd rather spend 10 hours a day ingame looking at something nice" - if that goes the other way for male characters, then indeed, about 70% of WoW players are girls!

  2. Sadly, they're in for something of a disappointment. Anyone who's spent time following Thrall around Undercity in the Horde version of Wrathgate will know that the big fella's let himself go a little. His rear end seems built more for throne-sitting comfort than battle these days.